VietNamNet Bridge – Despite taking a course on how to care for your baby, nothing could prepare Nguyen Phuong An (not her real name) for the nightmare of single-handedly raising an infant while still being a child herself.

An, a student at a famous Ha Noi-based high school, turned 17 yesterday, but as the single parent of an eight-month old baby, she had no time to celebrate.

"When my baby cried, I also cried," An says of the early months.

"Everything can be learned. But I usually learn things later than the real situations I have fallen into, first from having sex, then an unexpected pregnancy and finally becoming a single mum."

An is one of the many juvenile victims of Vietnamese parents' reticence towards teaching their children about sex.

Nguyen Thu Giang, director of the Institute for Development and Community Health Light, says Vietnamese youth are starting to have sex much earlier than previous generations, but their knowledge of the issue remains close to nothing.

The latest Survey and Assessment of Vietnamese Youth showed the average age for first having sex was 18 years old, 1.5 years earlier than the previous survey in 2004. Nearly 50 per cent of juveniles do not use a condom during intercourse and many of these start having sex at the age of 15-17.

Nguyen Kim Thuy, deputy director of the Research Centre for Gender, Family, Environment and Development (CGFED) claims most high-school students surveyed said they have attended gender-related classes. However, they were unable to list the content of these classes.

Giang and Thuy agree these figures indirectly show that more high-school students are having unsafe sex resulting in unexpected pregnancies.

For An's case, her first sexual interaction came after watching a porn video on her boyfriend's laptop.

"It changed my life. I could not control myself and neither could my boyfriend. I unexpectedly had sex with my boyfriend without preparation. No condom. No knowledge about sexually transmitted diseases or potential consequences."

An felt quite nervous later, however her "friends used to have sex and nothing bad happened to them, so I thought it was not a big issue."

But after three months without having her period, An began to worry. She searched the internet for answers, but she did not know which information was correct and became frightened when one sight suggested she may be pregnant.
"I cried for hours – I had no idea what to do or who to ask for help."

Following her friends' advice, An used a quick test to detect pregnancy. The results confirmed her worst fears and her boyfriend asked her to have an abortion.

"I never imagined the responsibility I would have to take on, but I didn't dare have an abortion because I was afraid it would cause me to become sterile."

Shocked

When An was six-month pregnant, one night, her mother opened An's room while she was changing clothes. "She was too shocked to say anything when she realised the truth. She sat in silence for hours before crying and asking me why I did not say anything to her."

Giang says: "Parents should be the ones who get blamed and take responsibility for juveniles' unsafe sex."

Parents do not actively prepare for the fact their children reach puberty two years earlier than in the past, so they fail to equip their children with necessary knowledge and skills about gender and sexual issues in time, she says.

Coupled with their traditional attitudes, many parents consider sexual-related issues a taboo, so they try to delay it for as long as possible, she says.

Thuy believes teachers are also unable to overcome barriers of social prejudice. So they are reluctant to speak about these issues.

Thuy explains their natural growth leads them to have sexual desires and their curiosity drives them to search for information about this on the internet, where they are allured by illegal websites featuring illegal sexual images and videos.

Being obsessed with these images coupled with lack of sex education, youths have no way to control themselves from such desires. All this pushes them to practise unsafe sex and can lead to unexpected pregnancy, she says.

Thuy thinks parents are mainly responsible for equipping their children with sexual-related information from a young age. Children should receive suitable gender and sexual-related knowledge appropriate to their stage of development. She says dozens of parent clubs have been formed to share experiences in teaching their children about these issues.

Education

Giang shares the same ideas and says the institute's courses are being held so parents can change their attitudes towards sexual issues and be updated with accurate sex education.

"Parents should learn to identify with their child's situation and help them to solve the consequences."

In An's case, confiding in a parent was a vital step.

She says: "After learning of my situation, my mother took me to a clinic the next morning for a health check. My foetus was said to be malnourished because I did not have enough vitamins and rest."

When her baby was born, her mother took the role of both a grandmother and part-time mother to the baby.

Giang says if parents' education about sexual issues remains slower than their children's growth, the impacts of unsafe sex on juveniles will go far beyond unexpected pregnancies.

She says they can be blamed for the loss of family-related values because juveniles now express their disregard of sexual relations and sex-related values. The increasing divorce rate is also a signal.

An says she is luckier than many other young people in the same situation, who were punished by their parents and had to have abortions in illegal clinics. Many left their homes and fell into a pit of self-destruction.

Now that the toughest period has passed, An has time to plan her future. She is going to stay at home for one more year with her baby and then return to studying.

Folding the clothes of her baby as he naps in his cot, An whispers: "Don't be blind when having sex. For each of your actions you will have to pay a price."

VietNamNet/VNS