A H’Mong boy must ‘catch’ his wife, while a Thai boy has to ‘steal’ one, but among the Chu Ru ethnic people it’s the girls who do the taking.

It is estimated that there are about 20,000 Chu Ru people around the country, with most in the Central Highland province of Lam Dong. When spring comes and the mountainous region is bursting with white coffee flowers the Chu Ru girls are excited to start a new season of ‘husband catching’.

A Chu Ru girl and her family will choose a night to take wedding presents to the chosen boy’s family and ask him to become her husband. Traditionally, the presents include hand-made scarves, a buffalo or a cow. If the girl’s family can’t afford these, they just bring three wide scarves in white, black and red and a pair of wedding rings (srí) which are made of silver. The sri mould is made from beeswax, clay and buffalo dung.

After the elders of the girl’s family express their daughter’s wish to marry the boy and offer the presents, the boy will be called out to answer. If the boy accepts, he allows others to put the wedding ring on his finger.   

According to Ya Ngon, an elderly man in Pro Ngoh village, husband catching usually happens at night to avoid the embarrassing situation for the girl’s family if the boy’s family refuses. However, normally the ceremony goes smoothly because the couple are in love.

Once confirmed, the couple wear a white scarf and use a sickle to drive ghosts and evil spirits away. They will walk into a room after listening to the wise advice of parents with the scarf over their head. The boy will be brought to the boy’s house the next afternoon. The girl will stay there for seven or eight days to fulfill her daughter-in-law’s duties, such as farming and tidying up the house until her parents come to take them back.

A weeding party will be held at this time to invite the villagers who come to drink ruou can (a traditional wine kept in jars and drunk through bamboo pipes, enjoy food and watch beautiful dances.

Men in white skirts and indigo brocade tops and women wearing black skirts and white tunics join in a traditional dance of Chu Ru people. The atmosphere is effervescent, making a joyful and happy start to the couple’s new life.

The tradition is now causing many problems. “In the past, we just had to pay for a scarf, cow or buffalo, but now, it can involve money and gold which can cause many difficulties for the girl’s family,” Jor Nung, an 80-year-old woman in Pro Trong village reveals. Often families now have to come up with 37.5 grams of gold and VND5-10 million in cash. However, some families ask for a dizzying amount up to VND50 million.

That spells disaster if a family has many daughters. Some of them will end up living alone for their whole life because their family is too poor. To avoid this, many families get deeper and deeper into debt.

Tuteng Ma Bao of Ka Don Commune is a case in point. She has five boys and four girls. The dowry earned from the five boys did not off-set the amount she had to find for her four girls. Ultimately, she had to sell her last paddy field. She now has to work hard to make the ends meet. Others have been forced to get loans from the banks and when parents die, this debt is passed to the couple.

28-year-old K’mien has been married for six years and has three children. She has not paid her weeding debt yet. 50-year-old Ma Nhong Nai Den, a nurse, has just got married to a collage but her four other sister, aged from 33-50, are still alone. Two others, Ka Linh and Ka Tuyn, both over 70, are also living alone for the same reason.

Behind the cheerful scenes of the couples during the husband catching season, there is much sadness due to the inability of so many to afford to take part in what was once beautiful custom.

Source: Time-out