“How could life continue if I couldn’t be open with my parents?” This was the question that haunted Nguyen Ngoc Thao My (born Nguyen Nhu Phong, 1995, Dak Cam Ward, Quang Ngai Province) when My realized she was living a life of “a caterpillar’s body with a butterfly’s soul.”

Fortunately, My’s journey to embrace her true gender identity was not overly arduous, thanks to her parents’ acceptance and empathy. Now, My has lived fully as a woman for a year, being called “a girl” instead of “a guy” as before.

“I feel like I was reborn, and this time, it’s through the immense love and acceptance of my parents,” My shared.

My is the youngest child in an intellectual family in Quang Ngai. From a young age, My loved playing with dolls and secretly wearing her sister’s dresses. Her parents noticed these differences but never scolded the child, only hiding the dolls and dresses.

During puberty, My felt a special attraction to boys. However, she still didn’t fully understand who she was or what she wanted. It wasn’t until age 25 that My was certain she wanted to transition to become a woman completely.

Thao My works for an event company in HCMC. Once she embraced her true identity, she “let loose,” growing her hair long, wearing dresses, and applying makeup to look beautiful like a woman. My felt joy in living as her authentic self.

Yet, behind her optimistic and cheerful exterior was a hidden sadness.

“My mom once said I always looked a bit sad, like I was hiding something. In fact, anyone in the LGBT community carries a fear of not being accepted by family.

My childhood was wonderful, filled with love from my parents and sister. I couldn’t help feeling anxious and worried. I tried to prove myself successful and worthy, regardless of my gender, but i didn’t realize that what my parents truly wanted was for me to be happy,” My confided.

In 2022, during a holiday visit home, My came out to her family. Her mother said she had read about the LGBT community in the media and had suspected My’s true gender, only needing confirmation.

Still, when My expressed her desire to transition into a woman, her mother was deeply shocked. Her father remained silent, showing no emotion for days.

Upon returning to HCMC for work, My received a handwritten four-page letter from her father, accompanied by a childhood photo of My with the family as a young boy.

The letter overflowed with her father’s love and acceptance, bringing Thao My to tears with every word. She was deeply moved when he wrote: “I don’t know how many years I have left to live. I’ve always known Nhu Phong is the child I love and worry about the most.”

“‘The greatest regret and pain for your mother and me, which we hope you’ll forgive a thousand times, is not fully understanding the burdens you’ve had to bear in life.’ That’s what my father wrote. I can’t fully express the vastness of my parents’ love,” My shared.

The happiness of a transgender child

Later, her parents took the initiative to research the transition process and urged Thao My to proceed. Her mother said: “If you’re going to do it, do it soon while you’re still young and healthy.”

Some relatives objected, and others criticized, but Thao My’s parents ignored them, wholeheartedly supporting their child’s journey to self-discovery.

“My mom searched for information thoroughly. She advised me to store sperm at a hospital before starting hormone therapy, so I’d have the option to have children later. I followed her advice and used this service in Thailand.

When I visited a transition service center, my parents came with me. They even borrowed money from a bank for my surgery because waiting to save enough would take too long,” My shared.

In March 2024, Thao My underwent surgery in Thailand. Despite the pain and fear, she remained steadfast in her dream of becoming a woman. Above all, she knew her parents were her unwavering support.

When My returned to Vietnam, her mother came from Quang Ngai to HCMC to care for her for a month. Her father called constantly to check in and encourage her. At some point, her parents began naturally referring to her as “our beloved daughter” instead of “Nhu Phong.”

“When I returned home as a complete woman, everyone welcomed me with joy. My father proudly told people, ‘My daughter is so beautiful.’ When someone asked ‘When did your son get married?’ he happily replied, ‘She’s my daughter now, and she’ll marry a husband,’” My recalled with emotion.

Thanh Minh