For the past three years, since confidently growing her hair long, wearing dresses, and carrying herself gracefully, Nhu (birth name Nguyen Nhu Hoang, born in 2003, from Hai Phong) is no longer tormented by the question “Who am I?”.

Before deciding to transition to become a complete woman, Nhu went through a long process of understanding herself.

Nhu told VietNamNet that she experienced a two-phase journey: realizing she belongs to the LGBT community and realizing she is transgender.

Since childhood, Nhu felt she was different from other boys. She would wear superhero outfits to play marbles and football with boys, yet also loved wearing princess dresses, doll shoes, and jumping rope with girls. Emotionally, she only felt attraction toward boys.

In secondary school, Nhu became more conscious of her appearance. She felt unattractive in male clothing but felt beautiful and comfortable when secretly wearing elegant dresses. Fearing her family’s prohibition, Nhu decided to follow a gender-neutral fashion style.

"By the end of secondary school, I clearly defined myself as a gay male, attracted to men. In high school, I was drawn to videos teaching makeup and feminine styling. I changed little by little, starting to trim and draw my eyebrows, using eyeliner, eyelid tape, lipstick, and growing my hair long. By grade 12, I wore makeup almost every day to school," Nhu recounted.

Nhu's changes met with fierce opposition from her family. Her mother was saddened, and her father sternly forbade it. As her hair grew longer each day, her family threatened that they would "wait until you are asleep to cut your hair." That pressure terrified her, and she eventually had to cut off the hair she had painstakingly grown and cared for.

In addition to family opposition, Nhu had to face gossip and stigma from those around her. She was called names like "be de" and described as "neither man nor woman." However, instead of being sad, Nhu chose to ignore negative opinions and focus on herself.

"The biggest difficulty for me back then was not the stigma from others but my own lack of self-confidence. I felt 'half-and-half' with that hastily cut hair. That is a common obsession for those who do not yet truly understand who they are," Nhu said.

Determination

That haircut caused regret and hurt. “I asked myself: ‘You only live once, so why can’t you do what you love?’ I became stronger and grew my hair back despite my family’s opposition,” she said.

No longer tormented by the question ‘Who am I? What form should I appear in?’ Nhu determined that she wanted to transition into a woman. She decided to use hormone therapy and is currently striving to become a complete woman.

When she truly understood what she wanted, Hoang Nhu began taking better care of herself. She grew her hair long, wore women’s clothing, and applied careful makeup whenever she went out. Looking at herself in the mirror, Nhu felt satisfied with the path she had chosen.

Over the past years, Nhu has lived each day fully with the happiness of being a woman. She does not compare herself with anyone else because, to her, completeness does not lie in resembling someone else but in the gradual process of becoming the version of herself she desires.

“For me, living truthfully as myself has immense meaning. It is not just about appearance or gender, but about the feeling of existing fully, without hiding or forcing myself to fit into a mold imposed by others.

“When I live as my true self, my mind feels lighter. I am more confident and love myself more. I no longer feel inner conflict or self-hatred like before,” Nhu said.

However, in daily life, Nhu still faces many difficulties. She must deal with scrutinizing looks, gossip, suspicion, and a lack of respect from some people. When handling administrative procedures or social relationships, Nhu also encounters many complications.

Nevertheless, those difficulties do not frighten her. Having accepted and understood herself, Nhu is strong enough to face prejudice.

In addition, her family’s growing understanding has helped ease her mind. Over time, as her appearance became increasingly feminine and polished, with more compliments from others, her parents’ attitudes began to change. Tension gradually eased, replaced by questions and concern.

Thanh Minh