"Who am I? Where am I from?”

On a rented motorbike, 31-year-old Iris Dager roams the streets of Hanoi. This is the third time that Iris has returned to Vietnam to continue her journey to find her mother.

Iris is Swedish of Vietnamese descent. She was born at Hanoi Obstetrics and Gynecology Hospital on September 21, 1992. However, after two months of birth, she was abandoned by her biological mother.

Before leaving the baby, the woman left only the words "Nguyen Mai Thanh". This is the Vietnamese name that she gave to her soon-to-be daughter.

The girl was adopted by a Swedish couple. Mai Thanh lived under the name Iris Dager, in the loving arms of her adoptive parents' family.

Raised in a multicultural family, Iris had the life of her dreams. She had time to live in Sweden, Iceland and Denmark. Iris attended university in England and Scotland. She worked, traveled and did volunteer work in France, Greece, North Macedonia, India, Kenya...

Currently, Iris is an advisor to the Icelandic police agency, which works with international police agencies. However, as soon as she became aware, she realized that she had differences with her friends.

Iris learned that she is Vietnamese. Her adoptive parents made no secret of their child's origin. They even joined the community of adopters in Vietnam.

Iris regularly interacts with people in the same situation. She said: “Although my adoptive parents loved me dearly, when I began to have certain perceptions about myself, I was always curious about my origin.”

"I always wanted to know who I am? Where do I come from? What does the person who gave birth to me really look like? Why was I abandoned by my mother? Are my biological father and mother still together now?

"Besides my biological mother, is there anyone else who knows that I was born, sent to a strange land… There are many questions that arise but no one can give me the answers.” 

During her time living with her adoptive parents, Iris tormented herself with questions: What do her parents and biological family look like; do I have eyes like my mother, a face like my father?

She was also curious if she had brothers or sisters... Those questions made the girl cry, and she wanted to see her biological mother at least once. Iris wanted to return home to find answers.

Iris was brought back to Vietnam by her adoptive parents to find her biological mother when she was 10 and 15. However, it was not until she was 25 that she had the first clues. That was the year Iris's adoptive mother stumbled across a hospital nurse's note on the day Iris was born.

“At this time, I learned that my mother's real name was Ngo Thi Dung. At the time of my birth, my mother was only 18 years old. This means that the mother may have been born in 1974 in Gia Lam district, Hanoi. From that fragile information, I rekindled hopes and started the journey to find my mother,” Iris shared.

“I really look forward to meeting you”

Although abandoned at birth, Iris has never been sad or angry at her mother. She even admired and thanked her grandmother for giving birth to her mother. Iris thinks she is old enough to understand why her mother would do something that could hurt herself.

She said: “I know it must have been difficult for my mother to make the decision. I think I'm old enough to understand the helplessness of someone who had to leave a baby in the hospital at birth. After all, I also have had a lot of luck.

"I became the child of adoptive parents, studied, and grew up in love. Trying to heal myself from the past makes me strong. I am not angry with my mother because she gave me life. And, somehow, she gave me the same resilience as I do now."

The first two times when she returned to the country to find her mother, Iris went with her adoptive parents and other people, making her feel like "just a tourist". This third return, Iris stayed for a month looking for her biological mother.

In recent days, Iris rented a motorbike, roaming around places where she thought she could find clues about the person who gave birth to her. Iris has searched at the Hanoi Obstetrics and Gynecology Hospital, the National Hospital of Obstetrics and Gynecology… and many other locations.

“I have been to every place I can think of. The search was difficult. Everyone around spoke Vietnamese and I had to try my best to understand the language that should have been my mother tongue.

"But the information was not enough, the time has been long, most of the records are no longer available. There are times when I get excited when I find out information about nurses or people related to the day I was born.

"But then, these clues all hit a dead end. However, I am very happy that many people are willing to support and help me on this journey,” Iris shared.

Facing immediate difficulties, Iris has not set too many expectations. However, she still hopes miracles will happen. And if that day comes, she will stand in front of her biological mother and say: "Hello, your daughter is back." She also wants to  "give mom a hug".

Finally, she has written a message saying that her mother should not blame herself. For her, her mother is still the most wonderful person.

“Even though I was mentally prepared for every possible scenario when I was looking for you, I still can't imagine what you must have gone through when you decided to leave me. All I want is for you to have a life full of love and happiness.

"I also hope you are not haunted by painful memories or worrying about me. Whatever the circumstances, anything can stop you, with all my heart, I really hope you will contact me to find me again. This means a lot to me because I really look forward to seeing you,” Iris wrote.

She also has sent a message to everyone: "If anyone has any information about my mother, please contact me via email: iris.maithanh@gmail.com. I sincerely thank you."

Ha Nguyen