An online social media group named "I hate my parents" has attracted nearly 400,000 followers, serving as a platform where many children share personal trauma, conflicts, and disagreements within their families.

Hoang Quoc Lan, a clinical psychologist and member of the Vietnam Association for Psychotherapy, emphasizes that the word "hate" should not be interpreted strictly at face value. Behind such a strong expression often lie mislabeled emotions and an unaddressed need for communication.

In daily clinical practice, Lan frequently hears statements such as "I hate my mother," "I don't want to speak with my father," or "I just want to leave home."

When encountering these statements, experts and parents must pinpoint the precise issue: whether it stems from temporary conflict, communication breakdown, feelings of control, disappointment, lack of respect, or a psychological condition requiring professional intervention.

"'Hate' is the easiest word to speak out when an individual lacks the capacity to label their emotions accurately. A child saying 'I hate my parents' does not necessarily mean they no longer love them. Behind it lies a message: 'I am hurting, but I do not know how to express it,'" Lan said.

Lan said when children feel unable to confide in parents or relatives, they seek alternative outlets. Social media provides a perceived safe space where youth can air sensitive thoughts without facing direct confrontation, scolding, judgment, or accusations of ingratitude.

Particularly during adolescence, the need for group belonging, recognition, and empathy is exceptionally strong. When the family fails to cultivate that space, youth frequently turn to a "substitute community."

"A relatively safe space helps children feel heard, name their emotions, examine issues multidimensionally, and identify suitable solutions. Conversely, such spaces become concerning when they degenerate into hubs inciting hatred, encouraging retaliation, isolating families, or convincing an individual that confrontation is their sole remaining option," Lan noted.

Don’t turn family conflicts into public trials

Some parents who enter the “I Hate My Parents” group to argue with their children, or even publicly criticize or “put them on trial,” may be acting out of a sense of hurt and a desire to explain themselves or defend their actions.

However, when a conflict is taken online to determine who is right and who is wrong, the goal of resolving the disagreement can easily be replaced by an open argument. Making a child’s private matters public can cause them to lose trust and feel that they no longer have a safe place to share their thoughts.

Lan says raising children is not simply about meeting their material needs. Children also need connection, to be heard and respected, their emotions to be acknowledged, and an appropriate level of autonomy for their age.

When parents discover that their child is in the group, they can start with a simple question: “I saw that you’re in this group. I’m a little worried and would like to understand whether there’s something there that makes you feel understood.” Parents should then listen before trying to explain things to their child.

Many families believe children should be given space and that their privacy should be respected. From a psychological perspective, Lan says parents need to consider the child’s age, level of maturity and actual risks. When a child shows signs of self-harm, violence or abuse, adults need to intervene and seek professional help.

“If you want your child to talk about their pain, you need to build a connection before a crisis occurs, rather than waiting until you discover a group on social media before starting to ask your child what is wrong,” the psychologist emphasized.

Tran Thanh Nam, Rector of the University of Education, Vietnam National University, Hanoi, said the emergence of such online groups demonstrates that young people harbor considerable frustration, helplessness, anger, and dissatisfaction toward their parents.

However, he emphasizes that parents should not conflate a child's participation in these groups with a complete loss of trust in family affection, a final severance of ties, or an inability to reconnect with their family.

"Contradictory emotions coexist. There are issues where children disagree with their parents, yet areas where they remain connected and loving toward them. Some children feel suffocated, so they join these communities seeking empathy and shared experiences. Joining does not automatically mean children hate their parents," Nam noted.

Phuong Thuy